The Chessboard
by innovare
Summary: Jack decides to dictate his behavior towards Sam by using the game of chess. Turns out, it's not as easy as he thought it would be. Story set during Season 7 of Stargate SG1.
1. Life's but a chess game

**COPYRIGHT** **: existing characters belong to MGM and the creators of the Stargate Franchise. Story written for fan fiction.**

 **AUTHO** **R: lezaanv**

 **SUMMARY : ****Jack decides to dictate his behavior towards Sam by using the game of chess. Turns out, it's not as easy as he thought it would be.**

 **Story set during Season 7 of Stargate SG1.**

 **EPISODES** **: usage of episodes are mentioned in the chapter titles.**

 **CHARACTERS:** **Colonel Jack O'Neill, Major Samantha Carter**

 **PLEASE BE ADVISED** **: story has not been beta'd. I apologize in advance for any mistakes. They are unfortunately mine.**

* * *

 **LIFE'S BUT A CHESS GAME**

* * *

" _After a bad opening, there is hope for the middle game. After a bad middle game, there is hope for the endgame."_

 _\- Edmar Mednis_

* * *

He marked the streak of honey blonde hair disappear from view and heaved a long irritated sigh. Collapsing in the chair, he buried his face in his hands, rubbed at his eyes, before raking them through his cropped silver hair.

Critical thinking.

Problem solving.

Pattern recognition.

Planning ahead.

Focus.

Enhanced battle strategy.

These were the mental abilities stimulated by playing chess over the years. However, when it came to the matter of feelings, he found some lacked durability, and then there were those who endured ardently. And seeing as those in particular dictated his mind, he hated them with a passion.

Jack placed his arms on the desk's surface, overlapped his hands, then placed his forehead on his knuckles. Growling under his breath, he imagined a giant chessboard and its pieces. He pretended to walk along its checkered equator, stopped in its center.

White located to the left while black situated to the right. He spun once, twice, then halted and squinted at the defensive line of black pawns mimicking oversized arrowheads. Their stature placed them at about waist height while the castles and knights levelled with his chest. The bishops reached his shoulders. The king and queen stood at head height.

Hands inside his pockets, he canted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes once more.

 _Why this and not Maui with its stunning beaches?_

"Your beginning determines your finish. Play wisely, Jack."

"Why thank you imagination." He quipped at the empty void above.

"Spot opportunities – those often clearly defined as successful. Simplify things, but also remember to plan three moves ahead for each of your pieces. Question your opponent's motives. Don't get pinned down. Be flexible."

Jack waved the voice off. "Yeah, yeah, I get the picture."

The black king vanished, then in the blink of an eye he stood in its place. Crosswise, the white queen disappeared with Sam replacing its position.

He huffed a sigh, rubbed at his forehead. "Well at least I don't have to use magnets to explain how nutty I've become."

"Remember your set is not solely reliable upon your Queen. Replace wishful thinking with action. You have other pieces that can help you win."

"Swanking advice, chum." He gave a thumb's up to no one in particular, then gestured at the opponent's side. "Placing her over there makes this for an even more thrilling match. Oh yeah." He locked eyes with her. "May the best man or woman win."

"Colonel?"

In a jiff, the chessboard disappeared underneath his feet, leaving him standing in the black void.

"Colonel, are you okay?" Sam asked through the haze.

Jack lifted his head and gazed at the puzzled Major. "Never better Carter." He sat upright and questioned her presence with a cant of his head. "Hm?"

Her blues expanded somewhat before blinking a few times. She thumbed over her shoulder. "Oh, General Hammond wants to see you in his office."

Gritting his teeth, he stood and walked by her, with what looked like the weight of the world on his shoulders and exited the office. She scowled at the behavior, gazing with narrowed eyes as he strolled down the corridor.

"Um, Colonel." She called after him, then swallowed deeply as she silently cursed the foolish action.

Jack halted mid-stride, glanced over his shoulder, barely noticing her form in the limited line of sight. However, what she saw from her side made her reconsider the move. He was out of sorts. She didn't know why, and yet calling attention to it would only alienate him. Even so, her action had merit – he was wrestling internally.

She bit her bottom lip and nodded. "Never mind."

Satisfied, he flicked a hand in the air and walked away. "Adios Carter."

 _Black seizes a pawn. Fair play, O'Neill._


	2. Orpheus

**O** **RPHEUS**

* * *

 _The safety of the king takes priority over everything else in all stages of the game._

* * *

"I'm just saying we had a lot riding on Yu and look where it got us."

"Fortunately, Teal'c remedied the situation and basically demanded Ba'al to level the playing field against Anubis."

"Yes, and now he controls the combined forces of the . . ." Jack gazed at her for further clarification.

"Of the United Alliance of the System Lords."

He flicked a hand at her. "Yeah, them. And you know what that could lead to."

"He's probably expanding his fleet as we speak." She admitted.

"That's what you get for trusting a Goa'uld to back us up."

"Personally, Sir. We couldn't have predicted Yu's diminishing mental health, or that Ba'al had already moved to counter Anubis."

"No, but what we'd gone and done was fuel the fire."

She gave him a wayward smirk. He squinted at her before gazing about the commissary. It was quiet for the evening. In the farthest corner to his right, two Airmen engaged in a light conversation, while they occupied the table center room.

The minute they had finished their desserts, he had initiated a conversation and judging by her expression, it had been an error on his part.

 _White seizes a Black pawn. Your King's wide-open, Jack._

"The blazing furnace kind?" She asked in the backdrop, drawing his attention. "Or the bonfire type?"

"This is no joking matter, Major." Her expression fell. He saw how she literally swallowed the playful demeanor. "Our actions birthed a monster. Frankly, having one less System Lord out there should warm the heart, Carter. Those odds I like a little better."

"Perhaps we should've done something to-"

Jack held up a finger and stopped her. "To what, Carter? We dug the hole ourselves. Not to mention it was a nutty plan to begin with. No, we simply have to bring more than just our A-game to the next mission." He stood, observing the frown run along her forehead. "Simply put, we can't allow more screw ups."

Sam gazed up at him. "Don't you think it's a little harsh, Sir?"

"I'm in a punishing mood today."

"Because of Teal'c's condition?" Her one eyebrow lifted with the question.

The comment beckoned him to sit down. _Damn her, just when I defended my king, she lures me out again._

"He made his choice, Carter. There's nothing Daniel or I could've done to convince him otherwise."

"It's all in his head, Colonel. He needs a little motivation."

Jack grinned widely. "Took the words right out of Daniel's mouth."

A similar smile slinked along her lips.

His expression turned cold. "You can't guide a horse to the water and expect or even force it to drink. It will once it's thirsty."

"Undomesticated equines?"

"Exactly."

"Although, I see nothing wrong with instilling confidence, Sir."

"It blows the whole bringing the horse to the water analogy, well, out of the water."

"Teal'c's not a horse."

"A donkey then."

She heaved an irritated sigh. Jack smiled triumphantly.

"What if it's survivor's guilt?"

"He took a staff blast to the stomach." He specified gruffly. "Neither one of us died."

She winced at the statement. "I know, nevertheless, he still underwent a traumatic event. And exchanging a symbiot with tretonium in his eyes is surrendering the strength he once possessed to something much weaker."

"Yes, and if I recall correctly. If he'd had junior at the time of injury, he'd be dead. Better alive and kicking than dead and in the ground."

"Suppose it's true."

"I know it's true." He dipped his chin briskly.

Silence overtook the atmosphere. Both were reluctant to leave and yet both avoided eye contact, making it seem as if fleeing was a wise decision.

Jack's heart quickened. Sam's jaw tightened.

His muscles tensed and one knee moved up and down. She gazed at the food counter, to the Airmen, and then back to his fidgeting hands.

He lifted his eyes gradually to meet hers, smiled coyly. She returned it with a lopsided one.

Ostensibly, they still felt uncomfortable in each other's presence, but none desired to part ways. His heart knocked against his ribs, feeling the rush of adrenaline streaming to his head. Even so, he couldn't allow this to drag on for much longer, and yet he desired to give her a moment of insight into his furtive world. Hear her voice for a little while longer.

He mustered confidence and moved to speak when she interrupted him.

"Colonel, what must he resolve in order to step through the Stargate alongside the rest of SG1?"

He shrugged flippantly. "Shouldn't you be asking him this?" Sam glared at him disapprovingly. He threw his hands up. "Ah heck Carter, how the hell should I know what's going on inside that nugget of his."

Self-aware, he lowered his hands and winced at the two Airmen staring in their direction. He gave them a fake smile, then glared at the Major. She ignored the deed with a sweet smirk.

"It's Teal'c, Carter. His mojo will surface sooner than later. And once it does. You know what that means, right?"

"We'll be kicking Goa'uld butt in no time."

He couldn't stop the impressed smile quirking his lips. So this was how she behaved when he gave her an opening? The smile grew. If this were the case, he had to do it more often. He cleared his throat, focusing on the conversation once more.

"Ditto."

An awkward calm occurred once again.

Sam canted her head, tapped the table once and motioned over her shoulder. "I should probably check in with Daniel. See if he's made headway with solving the puzzling memories."

"You mean find a Gate Address." He watched her stand and bite her bottom lip, then her eyes wrinkled with confusion.

"Yes, I suppose so." She replied.

"Well, good luck unscrambling Danny boy's brain."

"You're more than welcome to join me, Colonel. As they say, two are better than one."

Gawking deadpan, he considered the invitation thoroughly. What was his best line of defense, or rather an appropriate decision? He had already spent more time with her than he normally did. He'd also given her the opportunity to guide their discussion. Though honestly, he hated complicated explanations, it was why he had the geeks on his team in the first place.

"You've got him all on your own, Carter. Besides, delivering dessert to Teal'c sounds much better, thank you."

Sam gave an understanding nod. "To each his own." Then, she was gone.

Jack crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. _Black castle defends King by capturing White's pawn._

He placed a hand over his eyes. Grunted under his breath.

The board sprung up from nowhere, and he stood on the King's position, which hadn't moved, but he'd lost two pawns and had moved his castle to defend himself. Although in a deadlock, the opponent's side of the battlefield mirrored a skilled player's stratagem. She was giving him a hard time, but it was to be expected. Carter was brilliant.


	3. Lifeboat

**LIFEBOAT**

* * *

 _Tempo should not be wasted in any phase of the game. Every action of yours should be with a purpose and in the direction of achieving said goals._

* * *

" _Sir, these people are alive. At least they're in some form of cryogenic sleep. Any civilization without fast moving light technology had to resort to something like this in order to cross the vast distances between stars. Otherwise, it would take an entire generation or more, given the effects of relativity-"_

" _We've got a ship load of frozen people."_

 _Jack's last word had faded at the end, but the hasty interruption was enough to draw a raised brow from Daniel. Even Carter's expression showed slight offense._

" _That would be a more succinct way of putting it, yes Sir." Sam replied._

It was the last conversation he had remembered before a beam of light knocked the team for a six. While afterward, it was a nail through his head. That and wondering what had happened to Carter and Daniel. But then he heard her voice call for Janet, and it all came rushing back to him.

In hindsight, he'd distanced himself from the Major and in doing so would keep the game he was playing at its regular pace. However, that slight of his was unnecessary and had cut to the core. She had received it humbly, but she did not deserve his harsh demeanor. No one did for that matter.

 _Black captures White's castle. Kudos O'Neill._

In a bad way, he was glad Daniel was in danger. It meant he could focus on his friend instead and avoid this silly imaginary chess game he'd initiated after the whole cloning debacle. What had possessed him? No one knew expect for his bored mind. Despite the childlike notion, it was getting good. He rather enjoyed the ginormous chessboard and its misshapen pawns.

"Sir?" Sam's voice croaked in the silence.

"Yes." The headache intensified, and he closed his eyes against the pain. "Major."

"What do you think is wrong with Daniel?"

Jack opened his eyelids one at a time, stared at the ceiling. Sam and her bed were barely visible in his peripheral view. Swallowing hard, he tried to think through the unyielding nail in his head.

"Beats me."

"I think it's to do with those people in the cryogenic pods."

"Okay." A scowl furrowed his brow. "How so?"

 _Snap, if you want to avoid long-winded explanations O'Neill. Why did you ask?_

"It's a work in progress."

 _Splendid. No explanation._

"Janet was flaky on the details."

"She wanted to spare us, I guess. With the headaches and all."

"Uh-huh."

"Still."

"Carter." Jack tilted his head towards her, marking the victory gleam in her eyes. He forgot how sneaky she could be and allowed a tiny grin to run along the corner of his lips.

Sam schooled a deadpan expression. "Yes Sir."

"Wait."

"I just-"

"Ack." He silenced her third attempt with a raised forefinger.

Sam sighed softly. He followed suit with one of his own.

"If only-"

"Major Carter. So help me, if you attempt another theory, I'll book you in at a private infirmary room."

It was quiet. Only the buzzing of machines and voices of the on-duty nurses drifted in the air. He tilted his head in the opposite direction and scowled at Siler sporting yet another bloody nose.

 _That man is a walking accident. A safety hazard if you ask me._

Her silence blared in his ears, sent an unnerving unease down his form. He felt terrible and sounded as such, as he spoke. "Look Carter." He gazed back to her.

"It's fine, Sir." She said sincerely. "I understand."

"No, it's not. There's no excuse for my behavior."

Sam nodded somewhat, smashing the mallet even harder against his heart. For a few days already, her extended explanations had annoyed him immensely. This was merely the result of the pot boiling over and she was feeling the burn without a doubt.

Feeling like an ass, he shifted his eyes to the ceiling once more.

If only the headache receded quickly enough, they could assess Daniel's situation and disperse to their separate stations. She would go her way and he would stick by his friend's side. Surely, it would do the job of soft soothing the running tension between them. Or, once again, it was delusions of grandeur. He had to admit, he was getting good at fooling himself.

"Listen." The sentence dangled unfinished as he stared at an empty bed.

"The Major left a little while ago, Colonel." The Sergeant said as he passed by.

"Thanks, Siler."

 _White castle demolishes Black by capturing a bishop._

 _So much for keeping your tempo, buddy. Time to rethink the purpose behind this. Set your focus straight and true._

* * *

The soles of his boots echoed tediously in his ears as he sauntered down the corridor towards the elevator that would escort him to the surface. His mind still lingered on the events from before. How Sam and Teal'c came down the stairs leading into the ship's compartment. When afterwards, she looked down at the device in her hand before gazing up at him.

" _The naquadah generator will sustain the power, Sir."_

" _We should be able to begin the restoration process within hours." Teal'c stated._

" _And we can start relocating them shortly after that."_

" _Good." He said. "We'll leave that for SG4. They love that kind of stuff."_

 _He winked at her, marking the smile lighting up her beautiful features, then she looked to Janet._

" _How's Daniel?"_

A scientist walked by, said goodnight. Jack lifted his chin, staring pensively at the man who strolled on without a care. He shrugged, setting his gaze on the elevator and once he reached its doors, swiped his card. It took a minute to slither open.

He froze. "Ah Carter, we meet again."

"Sir." She dipped her chin curtly, forced a lopsided smile.

"Going home for the evening, Major."

Sam looked at him with a puzzled expression, uncertain if he had asked a question or had stated his course for the evening. He stepped over the threshold, averting his gaze as quick as possible, and then pressed the desired button.

She relocated to the farthest corner, held her hands behind her back. He scratched at the panel before him. The doors merged. Elevator ascended. The atmosphere tinged with tension.

After working so hard in keeping the distance between them, this encounter was the last thing he had expected. Back on the ship, his behavior concerning her showed how well the ploy had worked. But now things felt like it was crumbling to pieces. Her quiet demeanor merely fed the awkwardness amassing inside the tight space.

Her heart most likely struck her chest. Hands sweated. Jaw clenched. Perhaps she bit her bottom lip while her mind swiveled with relentless questions.

He gazed up. The elevator was slow tonight. He lowered his gaze, then slightly to the left.

Her chin was latent upon her chest, blue eyes drilling holes in her boots. She bounced on the balls of her feet, almost like he did when searching for a distraction. On the other hand, maybe it was the other possibility. The times he had acted like an excited schoolboy.

 _Boyo, you're losing it. You're giving the opponent permission to distract you._

A wayward smirk curved his lips. His presence elicited joy, jitters and timidity. The insight caused him to turn sideways though his eyes still lingered on the floor. Sam tilted her head, hands falling to her sides as she gazed at him. This wasn't awkward at all, he surmised sarcastically. They acted like smitten teenagers.

Eyes shifting to the wall across from him, he noticed her chin rise with the action. A small smile ghosted his lips. She mirrored it in jest.

 _To hell with rhythm._ His lips twisted into his famous sly smile. Sam grinned coyly. _No one is losing a chess piece tonight._

The elevator halted. Its doors parted.

"See you tomorrow, Colonel."

"Yeah." With the same artful smile, he watched her leave. "See ya in the morning, Major."


	4. Enemy Mine

**ENEMY MINE**

* * *

 _Considering as most blunders result in loss, you should identify the things that might lead in their direction and try to avoid them at all costs._

* * *

The nurse continued to fidget with the strap of his sling. Annoyed, Jack batted her hand away, making a grander scene than usual, waved her off and leaned forward to curb the pain.

"How's the arm?"

He shot up, feigning that all was well and responded to Carter's question. "Good. How's the science project?"

Her mouth fell open in stun surprise. "You mean my complete overall of the gate diagnostics system?"

"I guess that's what I mean."

Nodding, she beamed appreciative of the gesture. "It's going well. Thanks for asking, Sir."

"Uh, if we go back to this planet, you're not coming with us are you?" Daniel asked.

Jack stared down at his injured arm, then back to his friend. "It's doubtful."

"Yeah, that's too bad. I was kinda hoping you'd take command of the mission. Colonel Edward has no experience dealing with the Unas."

"Nor you."

Daniel concurred with a slight tilt of his head and raised his eyebrows.

"He's an okay guy, Daniel. He's just under a lot of pressure."

"Yeah, yeah, I guess I just spent a lot of time breaking you in. I just didn't want to start with a new Colonel."

Carter smirked.

"It will be fine." Jack affirmed.

Nodding, Daniel turned on his heels and headed for the door to the infirmary.

"Just." He began, drawing the younger man's attention. "Try not to be so."

"What?"

Leaning back, he replied. "Oh, you know." He laid down on his injured side with his back to Sam and huffed a sigh.

Daniel's hasty steps faded into the backdrop, while her presence lingered behind him. With both arms hugging one another, he looked over his shoulder. Her hands submerged inside her pants' pockets and her shirt's long black sleeves were pushed up to her elbows.

"Places to be? Diagnostics to run?"

Sam canted her head to the side briefly. "Not in particular, no Sir."

"Company?"

"Only if you want to."

Jack gazed down to his hugging arms.

Carter stood rooted to the spot. "Want anything from the commissary, Colonel?"

A gleeful smirk curled his lips as he nodded. "Yeah. Jello would be sweet thanks."

A faint snicker came from behind and he dared to glimpse the joy forming on her countenance.

"Any particular flavor you have in mind, Sir?"

"C'mon, Carter. You have to ask?"

"Nope. Coming right up."

The smile on her lips was infectious and stayed in his mind until she returned several minutes later with their jello cups. The blue one belonged to her and the green one was undoubtedly his. He smirked like an ecstatic boy and sat upright as she held it out to him, then the smile faded once he noticed his predicament. Carter sat down, observing with a scowl how he positioned the cup in the hand pinned beneath the sling. Finally ready, he dug in, humming as its cool contents melted in his mouth. She stifled a giggle.

"Still sticking to blue I see." He said as he looked to her.

"I guess after Urgo's visit." She shrugged. "It kinda made a permanent impression."

"Ah, good times."

Snickering, she relished his sardonic mannerism. "He was an ingenious creation. After I acclimatized with his annoying features, he became endearing in a comic sort of way."

"Only because he reminded you of your uncle Irving." The spoon stopped half way to her mouth. He marked the frown crinkle around her eyes. "What?"

"You remembered."

"Of course I did." He declared, chuffed with himself.

She wiggled her brow, schooling a cheeky expression. Jack watched with interest and scooped up another helping of jello. She mimicked Urgo and recited. "I wanna live, I wanna experience the universe and I wanna eat pie."

An impish smile lit up his countenance. "Who doesn't?"

They shared a deep chuckle and sat in comfortable silence for a while, enjoying their desserts with glee. Occasionally, they grinned bashfully at one another. Sometimes they shared wry expressions. But most of the times, Jack gawked at the door, knowing what spending time with her meant.

He also wondered why his side of the chessboard looked so bleak and her side appeared so pristine. He'd chosen black in order to counter white. It was strange yes. Since it was exactly how things were progressing in real life. She had initiated each discussion entirely on her own, only because his actions had lured her to do so. Whether he showed annoyance or smirked, the decision to react inevitably was up to her. There was no encouragement, she was a willing participant, and he didn't quite know if it scared him or cheered him on.

However, they were military. He respected her rank, her achievements. She had great potential and promise to go far. He didn't want to ruin it by stepping over the line, even though he'd pushed it on certain occasions. Unfortunately, if he truly and sincerely cared for her, there was no room for error. She meant too much, for him to surrender to whatever was happening between them.

"Another one, Colonel?"

His eyes shifted to his knees before he gazed to her. His face knotted in a crestfallen expression. "Um, I think I'm okay for now, thanks Major."

 _Major. Sucha bitter pill to swallow. Sucha a brutal stake to the heart._

Sam caught on to his downcast mood and stood. "Okay."

Jack slid along the length of the bed, wiggling a bit to get into a comfortable position. "I'm just a little shattered." _You have no idea how badly._

Her brow furrowed, a tad let down. He explained. "It means exhausted, Carter."

"I know, but thank you, Sir." She nodded her accord and smiled softly.

He mirrored the smile. "You're welcome."

"I'll leave you to it then. See you later, Colonel."

"Yeah, you too."

Like Indiana Jones, he had stared at the golden idol, weighed his options and walked away with the sand still in his bag.

 _Crisis averted. It's time you got serious, Jack. Black knight takes opponent's horse. That's the spirit!_


	5. Space Race

**SPACE RACE**

* * *

 _Don't get swept up by distractions._

* * *

The crest of the dune inclined towards the left as the wind beat against it. His feet dug down deep, felt like lead while he struggled for its edge, but it was a wasted effort. Like a honey badger, he clawed at the sand, groaning as every muscle in his body stung with heated pain and overpowering weariness. He wanted, desired, sought to surrender and allow the sand to swallow him whole.

His one knee gained ground. The other slowly followed in its path.

This wasteland's grip seemed unescapable. Refusing to let go, it took a toll on his body, soul and mind.

Gravity pulled him down to the sinking pit below.

He knew what he needed, what he desired to have in this moment and time, but his lips felt as if glued together. He couldn't scream, couldn't tell himself to keep moving.

The coarse sand tore at his hands, something coursed through his veins, and still, it didn't help him escape from this abyssal desert. He feared he was losing sight of what was important. Like a dead man, he couldn't feel anything at all.

Jack collapsed on the crest.

His one arm outstretched towards the sun peaking behind the mountains on the horizon, then draped down the incline. Heart beating sluggishly, it resonated like old Big Ben in his sphere. His mind drifted in and out of consciousness for a short while before finally darkening.

"Welcome to the wilderness of mirrors. In a place that's so intricate it's no longer possible to separate the lie from the truth."

His mirror image walked around him, then turned in the opposite direction.

"You're so used to lying to yourself. You can't seem to distinguish what you truly desire. Why put yourself through this misery? Why can't you say her name?"

He knelt beside him and inspected his face devoid of expression. "Say it." A beat followed. "What, the wilderness too confusing for ya? Just say it, Jack. Say her name. Or has it become so sacred you're afraid once you profess it the walls will come tumbling down."

Profound laughter rippled the sand across the dunes. The wind picked up and beat against his body.

His replica gazed at the horizon. "The lines will cease to exist and what once was dutiful will become a wasteland. Your reputation – nothing. Wake up Jack! This landscape is your heart. Barren and abandoned, discarded like a ragged washcloth. Nothing here will make this land fertile again unless you confess. Own up to it and make this wilderness of mirrors disappear. Or are you memorized by its reflection? How these enclosing mountains have set the boundaries for you. They are your erected barriers. This sand is you, Jack. Those dark clouds are your true emotions."

His brown eyes shifted down to his lifeless form. "Are you really fond of this reflection you've built? Or do you have the guts to smash through it and see what's beyond the mirror of your making? Say her name!"

Jack remained unconscious and entirely oblivious to the arms which coiled around his abdomen and hoisted him to his feet.

"Wake up."

The tone of his voice draped over Jack's frame, cut through the sluggish state. He came to with a sharp intake of breath and jerked from his savior's hold.

"Ah shit."

His head throbbed, the heavy feeling impersonating a boulder about to somersault down a cliff. His muscles contracted in anxiety. Heart hammered profusely. Stomach felt like it was cemented to the floor, and then the familiar nausea surfaced.

"You know it's just a dream, Jack ol' boy. What you're feeling is muscle memory at work."

"Yeah, whatever." Jack jested, finding his doppelgänger a bizarre notion. In retrospect, he was expected to be familiar with having another Jack at his side. Today it refused to register.

"No, what you're feeling right now is what you fell asleep with."

Jack inspected the wry smile curling the man's lips, then locked eyes with him. "What?"

"Your current state can only be blamed by what you're doing to yourself day in and day out."

"Being exhausted is part of the job."

"Then watch what your soul feels like."

He directed his gaze towards the thunderclouds. They were stacked up in gloomy crescents. Together they morphed into a funnel towards the desert floor, and in its wake, a tornado swiveled relentlessly, spitting sand like thousands, millions of darts in all directions.

The man laughed at the display and lifted his arms to enjoy the gust of wind hurling their way. "Now think of what's precious Jack, before we're swept up by its horrific power."

He stared in bewilderment at the man smirking like a deranged king. Afterwards directed his gaze at the approaching storm. It was miles away, yes, but it was picking up speed, impersonating the thudding of his heart. His mind spun like its vortex and then he thought about the request. What was precious in his sight?

For a split second, her image flitted in his mind, but it was enough to snuff the tornado.

"You see Jack, what a calming effect she has on you?"

The lines on his face became hard; disliking the emotions this man stirred and closed himself off.

"Oh, here comes another one."

In the distance to the south, another tornado touched down. And just as the one from before, it rushed on a severe rampage for their location.

"Why did you allow yourself to fall so far, Jack? You surrendered to the grief and shut yourself out from the world. This is what it looks like after so many years of denial."

"I cannot give you what you want, Jack." He replied dejected.

The spiral zigzagged wildly, then warped into a calm and collected tunnel. Its speed intensified, tearing over the terrain as if a pickaxe and left a jagged fissure in its wake.

"You honestly think by burying what you want will calm this chaotic realm. You're a fool."

"No! I'm a realist." Jack faced his duplicate. "I will not ruin two great careers to satisfy my shattered heart. Nor will I give up going through that damn Gate. Earth is at stake. That, above all, takes priority. We need her. Her mind, her plans, to protect our world from the enemies still out there. You get that through your thick skull."

Sensing his rage, the sand surrounding them rose as if the sky drew it from above. Every granule was visible and formed into a lace curtain. It surpassed their height, shifted from one side to another as it continued to ascend. Following suit, the dunes in proximity mirrored the same outlandish act, while the tornado tore straight for them.

"If that is the case. Why is your heart so stormy? This mirror you've created acts calmly, even though at most times it rages like the high seas. You're tossing and turning even as we speak. Not only in your dreams but also in reality. You're skirting dangerous territory, Jack. You're allowing her to distract you. Do you even believe your own argument anymore?"

The curtains of granules plunged as if mortar rounds to the ground. Half a mile away, the tornado collapsed, leaving nothing but a quiet stillness in the atmosphere.

"I've chosen this. I should know how to live with it."

"Heroic words, Jack." The man clapped appraisingly. "Fair play. This dream is enough to make you realize what affection can do once you open yourself to it."

His chest rattled with an amusing chuckle. "No, it's just manipulating the circumstances ol' boy. Entertaining ain't it?"

"You will realize soon enough." His replica cuffed his shoulder. "This wilderness of mirrors will grow to sucha extent it will shatter. Either by the increasing lies or by the barraging truth. Good luck, fella. You're gonna need it."

The man walked along the ridge, watching as the desert awoke with multiple lightning storms.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He shouted after him. "Heck, this is my nightmare; at least you can be less confusing."

Back in the present, Jack sat upright in bed. Sweat beaded his forehead. Strands of perspiration slithered down his spine. His hand combed over his face. "Oy." A growl vibrated in his chest as he joked. "Love them sandy planets don't you, Jack?"

A knock pierced through the room, followed by another few raps. He sighed heavily. "Yes."

"Colonel O'Neill, General Hammond has requested a meeting in his office in fifteen minutes' time."

"Thanks, Airman."

Exhausted, he plopped back down on his bed and stared up into the gloom. "For crying out loud. Get a grip."

* * *

After their return from Warrick's planet, he'd dispersed to his office and barred the door to ward off unnecessary attention. However, currently, he strolled aimlessly down the corridors and halted as he heard familiar voices drifting in the air.

Jack made himself scarce and listened attentively.

"You're just sore that you lost." Daniel said drolly.

"Well, come on. It wasn't fair. Bunch of cheaters."

Carter and Daniel passed his position unawares. He observed with interest as their friend challenged her.

"So whatcha gonna do?"

They disappeared around the corner. He leaned forward in order to watch them as they walked on oblivious.

"Next year, I'm gonna kick butt."

Withdrawing, he rested against the wall and smiled mischievously.

Oh, how it had been a fierce game between them.

His smile grew another few notches, gleamed in his eyes. There had been some truth to the nightmare. His muddled emotions calmed down once he interacted with her. A touch here. A laugh there. All the while, relishing those sweet moments they'd shared during the mission. It had sent an exhilarating shiver down his spine.

Jack shook his head, cringing with amusement. A passerby stared at him, perplexed by the behavior. He only noted the person until he saw him vanish from his peripheral view. He cleared his throat and contained himself.

Honestly, he had been concerned for her safety, but those delighted expressions on her face had made it worthwhile. He'd even seared those cherished exchanges to memory with the greatest of pleasure.

The elated expression faded abruptly.

He gazed about the area, pushed off and walked in the opposite direction, cursing his negligence silently. This was why relationships were forbidden. Why rules and regulations kept the lines he'd swept aside, clear and visible. He had allowed Sam's fun to draw him away from what was important. Now he could only imagine hundreds of melancholy thunderstorms awakening in that desert of his making.

 _Keep up the good work, O'Neill. You're doing just peachy 'cause now you've lost a horse to your opponent. Brilliant._


	6. Avenger

**AVENGER 2.0**

* * *

 _When someone makes a move you are not able to understand, don't waste your time reading more into it than you need to._

* * *

"Hi ya, Carter." Jack leaned against the doorframe to her lab.

Her head lifted from the device she was tinkering with, then smiled, which he imitated as a reply.

"When did you arrive, Colonel?"

"Hour or so ago."

He pushed off and walked towards the table stationed off to the left. Sam followed the action with her eyes, all the while keeping the jubilant smile. His grew, adding more anticipation to her already growing suspense.

"So? What did the General think of the surprise?"

"Oh, you know him. Exuberant as ever."

The smile faded, and a scowl lined her brow. "He had misgivings? About what?"

"We're SG1 Carter. It's not like our track record well, you know, speaks wonders."

"Yeah."

Animosity shone in his eyes as he gave an example. "First it was the death glider."

"Never seen you so happy in my life." She quipped, lightening the mood.

He shrugged, catching on to her scheme and smirked wryly. "What can I say; seeing dad made life worth living."

"Uh-huh." She nodded, holding back a snicker. "Then it was the mother ship."

"Which we had to ram into a planet, heroically saving the galaxy from the Replicators, again."

Placing a hand on the table, he used it as a crutch and positioned his other hand in his pocket. She watched the action with interest, then held his relaxed gaze.

"We got Apophis and his base of operations in one blow. And we did get a cargo ship as compensation."

"Your dad took it. I betcha it was the same one he and Daniel crash landed."

"It was fixed so that SG1 could plant a bomb on an asteroid."

He pointed at her, shaking his finger like a scolding teacher. Although his serious tone had a hint of light-heartedness in it. "Of course, still need to speak to that guy. Yellow wires – all of 'em. Anywho, didn't the Tokra take it?"

"Yes." She agreed with a curt nod.

"Got another mother ship."

"Which sunk to the bottom of the ocean."

"Yeah, what a pity." His face expressed disappointment, but he shrugged it off and continued with a comic countenance. "Even so, with all the bad luck, we managed to construct one of our own. Lost one of our own, then got it back only to be dragged away by Thor."

"I can see why the General has reservations about this one."

"You don't say, Major."

They shared an amused sneer before Sam cleared her throat and focused on the device. Jack followed her line of concentration, feeling the atmosphere alter to their famous awkward silence.

The babbling wasn't the real reason he'd come by. In fact, it was during the trip home his thoughts had spun a web of doubt in his mind. He'd questioned the Major's decision to go alone, while also dabbling with what if she hadn't. But most of all, it was the notion bobbing about in his subconscious. The one which had made itself known so vividly in his nightmare, it caused him to question his actions as of late.

Why did he allow himself – a mirror of composure – to be fractured like this? He had to know.

"What were you thinking, Carter?"

Her head shot up at the comment, frowned in bewilderment. He winced, not enjoying his line of thought, at all.

"Sir?"

He carried on heedlessly. "Taking Felger to a Goa'uld occupied planet. Without backup."

This time she winced, gazed down at the table. "It was a risk, I know, but we had to repair the mess we had created."

"Yeah."

"And if we had failed to fix the problem." Her eyes lingered on the device and noticed his palms flatten on the table's surface. "It would be two individuals and not another team stranded on a planet."

"Yeah."

Sam lifted her eyes to his, stayed there as she, once more, attempted to lighten the conversation. "He saved us once."

"Beginner's luck."

"Daniel found the mission file refreshing."

Jack rolled his eyes. "I bet he did."

"What do you want me to say, Sir?" She shrugged offhandedly. "If you were in my shoes, you would've done the same thing."

"Not my size."

"General Hammond sanctioned it."

"Which validated your decision to go alone?"

He instantly saw he had hit a nerve.

Her calm composure altered into a defensive one and he cursed himself for not changing the topic. Still, he wanted to know what had gone through her mind while he was stuck off-world fighting his own internal war. He had to know if she was scared for him as well. That he wasn't the only one. He wanted justification for his moment of fracture. To appease his moment of affection above all else.

"All due respect, Sir, SG1 wasn't here to back me up. You and Teal'c were in crisis mode. Daniel was running out of time. I was the one who had trusted Felger's abilities – it was my mistake to rectify."

"Precisely."

Sam scowled perplexed.

Was he agreeing with the course of action she took, or was he blaming her for trusting the man?

"Sir, I'm not following."

Jack narrowed his eyes, pursed his lips. "What if the plan went awry?"

"It didn't, Sir."

"Humor me, Major."

"We could've been overrun and captured."

"What else?"

"The virus infected Gate system would be unchanged."

"And who would've fixed the problem then?" He drew attention to the room. "I don't see anyone else around here strutting about with the same degrees and experience on all things Stargate."

Biting her bottom lip, her expression turned cold, stern even. He cringed inwardly, knowing what he'd done and regretted it right away.

"When we signed on to serve at the SGC, we knew the hazards that came with Gate travelling. Some experience it more than others do, but we do it knowing we are saving lives. Today was no different. It was a fifty-fifty percent probability, which was an acceptable risk in my eyes. You, Colonel, accept those possibilities more so than the rest of the team. However, at times like today, SG1 had to make their separate calls regarding their separate missions."

"Valid point." He nodded curtly.

"It was either that or leaving several of our teams with no means of returning."

Jack sighed, which did not bode well to help him or calm her. "Again you make a-"

"Even if I vouched for Felger. Even if I supported him mistakes and all."

"I'm not saying that-"

"What else did you expect me to do, Sir? It was all or nothing. You know this."

"Please, Major.-"

"I will not apologize for doing what I think was prudent in this situation."

"Major Carter."

"I did my best to save us when nobody else could."

"You're not listening, Major."

Sam shook her head adamantly. "No. No, I am, Sir." She indicated at him and accused. "You're the one who's not thinking straight."

Taken aback, his hands slid from the metal surface. She swallowed hard and avoided the astonished look on his face by looking at the door to her lab.

"What? How-"

Jack's eyes searched her expression or the little she permitted him to see. She was unwavering in her avoidance, so close to stepping over the line and rebuking him for questioning her judgment, for placing her in this position. So strong was his need for justification, he'd realized too late that he'd questioned the trust between them. He had questioned her motive for being a loyal soldier and scientist. And what normally stayed cropped up inside his heart, had been the master since the beginning. And like always, she was bang on – he wasn't thinking straight.

Sam titled her head in his direction and stood with her hands clasped before her. "I apologize Colonel O'Neill, for my conduct. I was out of line."

"Don't do that." Jack grimaced and waved a dismissive hand at her.

"Do what?"

"Don't assume responsibility for someone else's insolence. Especially if you're right _and_ especially when I'm wrong."

"Sir?"

"I'm sorry, Carter." He walked for the door, leaving behind a perplexed woman. "I am the one who was out of line. I had no right to question your judgment. As always, you did what was expected from someone of your caliber. You don't need my crap attitude to diminish your intellect."

"Colonel."

The tone in her voice beckoned him to a standstill. He glanced over his shoulder and marked the sincere expression on her face.

"Don't second-guess yourself, Sir. We all did what was necessary to achieve mission success. This is what we do. This is who we are. And we admire you for the decisions you are required to make during our missions. They save lives. Even if you do think yours is expendable above our own. We support you."

She'd read him like a book. How, he had no clue, but perhaps it was the crack in his armor, which had allowed her to see past the dent, and had spoken accordingly.

"I can say the same of you, Major Carter." With that, he walked away.


	7. Evolution

**EVOLUTION**

* * *

 _Every so often you're stuck in a position where whichever move you make is a bad one._

* * *

A depressed mood hung over him as he made his way to Carter's lab. It was the last place he wanted to be, but he needed to inform her of his decision. With eyes glued to the floor, his hands balled into fists inside his pockets. Frustration lingered in the recesses of his mind, his thoughts transfixed on what to say. It was a straightforward endeavor, and yet he wanted to turn tail and run from her, send Teal'c in his stead, and leave for the rescue mission.

But what would he look like then? A coward or someone unwilling to face his subordinate. Also, this was so out of character for him, to walk away from a challenge. He was braver than the dread surging inside his heart. However, could he live with himself if this were the last time he spoke with her? Saw her, showed her how much he wanted to be by her side. Protect her, them – every single one of them. He didn't possess the technology to be at two places at once. He didn't have Thor to save Daniel and Dr. Lee with a simple touch of a button. Nor did he have the force of an armada to back Carter and Teal'c.

Simply put. He was torn in two, sandwiched between a friend recently returned to them and a woman who continued to stir his heart these past months. Both mattered, and both meant a great deal to him. However, if he were logical about the situation, he would leave SG1 behind in the hands of capable warriors.

What was his cause for concern then? Merely because anything was possible. Their mission could go pear-shaped. His mission faced the same feat. And even so, he'd think back on this day and regret not seeing her before he left. He would permit her some form of closure, knowing he'd thought of her, entrusted the mission to her. Just like she entrusted Daniel's life to him and counted on him to return alive.

After all, this was all in his head, simply the spiraling thoughts of a torn man. Not Colonel Jack O'Neill with his irreverent attitude. Who made it his mission in life to antagonize every Goa'uld and Jaffa he possibly could and still entertained his team on the sideline. He had no clue who this miserable man was. Or why he walked as slowly as he did in order to convince himself to turn around. Or why his emotions raged like that day he had to choose between her or the computer entity inside her.

He stopped at the corner, giving himself one more opportunity to back out, but then a familiar creed and an ethos echoed in his mind. Those continuously recited by platoons of men and women who had served and still served their country faithfully. They were words borne of selfless service; honor; integrity and personal courage; loyalty; duty and respect. Self-confidence; leadership; resourcefulness; control under pressure, teamwork and dedication. These were the qualities of someone enlisted in the military and he was that somebody.

Inhaling a deep breath, he calmed himself and then upon the exhale inwardly voiced key parts of the special ops creed.

" _I am an American soldier. A professional. I will do all that my nation requires of me. I am a volunteer, knowing well the hazards of my profession._

 _I will strive always, to excel in every art and artifice of war._

 _I know that I will be called upon to perform tasks in isolation, far from familiar faces and voices. I will not fail those with whom I serve._

 _I will never surrender though I be last._

 _My goal is to succeed in any mission – and live to succeed."_

Afterwards, he recited the warrior ethos. _"I will always place the mission first. I will never accept defeat. I will never quit. And I will never leave a fallen comrade."_

Every soldier on the Base knew this, lived by it on a daily basis. He saw it on their faces whenever they embarked through the Gate. Every individual knew the sacrifice, the blood, sweat and tears it took to come back alive. It was war day in and day out. This was life – to do their duty despite all obstacles.

The warring within suddenly subsided and entered a calm state.

The declarations were engrained in his DNA. Engrained in Carter's DNA. Jacob's DNA. Teal'c and Bra'tac had the same principles. Daniel was family; he also had a share in them. If there were folks who understood what he underwent, it was these individuals. Between a rock and a hard place, he truly was, but for the sake of duty and the team, he would soldier on, regardless of what his heart and mind screamed.

With relaxed shoulders, it was all or nothing as he stepped forward. All, except for his downcast mood, remained passive. He saw in the obscure depths of the lab, the Major welding on a device stationed beneath a lone desk lamp. He heard the sounds of lights flickering in the background. She was unaware of his presence, how he scrutinized her intent expression as she focused on the task. He was in awe for a brief moment as he captured the image to memory.

He marched forward. Her blue eyes lifted to meet his as he stopped before the table. He sighed softly, placed his hands on its surface.

"Sir?"

"I'm going after Daniel." His voice sounded gentle.

Sam nodded, looked down at the contraption. "Good." Her eyes lifted to him once more.

"This other mission-"

"Shouldn't be a problem, Sir."

Giving him her full attention, she lowered her hands from the device. Jack smirked somewhat. Her eyes sparkled in the amber glow of the lamp, making her countenance soft and considerate.

"When do you leave?" She asked.

"Now."

"Good luck."

"You too."

He gazed at his hands for a moment, then back to her. With expression gentle, he walked away.

* * *

After their safe return from the separate missions, Jack had invited the Major for lunch. Daniel and the gang joined them ten minutes later and stuck around for the most part. However, to his delight, Jacob and Bra'tac dispersed to the briefing room to give their full report, followed fifteen minutes later by the archaeologist and Teal'c. Even more shocking was Sam deciding to stay behind and converse light-heartedly about the two missions. She'd voiced how she and the Jaffa had received their injuries. He had clarified why Danny boy was limping all over the place. Then, it got serious – each exchanging their worries concerning the result of their missions.

"Burke was down there alone for quite some time and it showed. He was on the fast track to becoming a complete nutcase, especially after the unit had rejected him for what he had supposedly done. The least I could do was make it tolerable for him. Provide a second chance for helping me." Jack shrugged. "Well, how about you? What bothered you on the mission? Besides that you made it out alive."

Snickering, Sam canted her head, narrowed her eyes as she filtered through the events in her mind. He watched two scientists and a female soldier line up at the food counter before giving her his full attention again. Grinned somewhat as he saw the thinking lines on her forehead deepen, then relax, as she had found the desired key information.

"It's realizing what a formation of super soldiers could achieve in our galaxy. Thousands at your disposal is any General's dream. Like something from the Hitler era, instead this time they're under the control of a powerful system lord. No doubt, we'll be facing them on missions more often. Fortunate then that Daniel had found the device. Dad and Selmak will study it thoroughly, see how it can help us."

"I hate to say this, Carter, but Hitler was a human with misguided followers. This a half-ascended Goa'uld were talking about here, bent on overpowering the System Lords with those docile monsters in black suits. Things ain't looking up for us. Actually it's much worst. Look how much firepower it took to _not_ dent one of 'em. You practically spaced it for crying out loud."

She scowled at the sudden change in behavior. Even his expression revealed doubt. "Where's this coming from, Colonel?"

He squinted at her, a tad distracted by his meandering thoughts. "What?"

Leaning forward, she inspected the worry gleaming in his eyes. His normal stoic veneer was on the fritz today. He was vulnerable and open. "I haven't heard this tone in your voice for very a long time, Sir."

He waved it off. "Don't mind me, I'm a little-"

"Shattered?"

He chuckled; amused she had used this particular word. Perhaps it was her way of cheering him up. Admitting, he was out of sorts, he needed it. "Yeah, yeah, you could say that."

Relaxing in the chair, she winced as pain resurfaced in her shoulder. "We've had a long day, I should-"

"Don't." He intercepted quick as lightning and blurted out. "I missed you."

Surprised by the confession, Sam's eyes widened.

Grimacing, he quickly added. "And Teal'c obviously. Having said that. Jacob's with the General. Daniel, Bra'tac and Teal'c are definitely lost in some kind of ancient Goa'uld history, which you know ain't my forte. Which leaves me-"

"With me." She managed a lopsided smile though felt the awkwardness rising between them. She didn't quite know how to deal with what he'd professed. He ignored it. She guessed she had to as well.

"With you." He concluded with a coy smile, avoided her eyes and looked at the exit behind her. It was so close, but his legs felt like solid concrete and his heart like melting chocolate.

"I'm flattered . . . I think." A scowl furrowed her brow though her eyes beamed in sincerity.

"Aw c'mon, Carter. We're in the Mess almost every day."

"Not what I was gonna say, Colonel."

"By all means." Jack swiped a hand between them. "Carry on."

Raising an eyebrow, she held his gaze briefly. Afterwards, she looked down to her arm in the sling. "Normally, I'm the last one you come to for a distraction, Sir."

"Then you should be honored that you're first in line."

Her eyes lifted to him and marked the chuffed smile curving his lips. They stared at each other for a moment or two, then she remembered her place.

"I thought I expressed my gratitude already."

"And I'll express mine by grabbing coffee. Another round, Carter?"

"I really should -" She thumbed over her shoulder, leaning forward to vacate her seat.

He stopped her. "It's just coffee, Carter." His expression turned deadpan, she failed to get a good read on what he was thinking, so he clarified. "No harm in sharing a cup of coffee with your commanding officer. Is there?"

Sam bit her bottom lip, contemplating the offer carefully. She had arranged to spend more time with her father before he left. Currently, she was torn between a man she had regained love and respect for, and a man she admired since before their first acquaintance. Even though they'd accomplished a father and daughter mission together, she still wanted to have a proper conversation with him without having to save the world.

"No, there's not. But."

"Say no more." Jack swiftly countered when he saw the look of denial he'd seen so many times before.

"I want to, Sir." She specified earnestly, to his relief. "I just can't stay for long. I promised dad I would spend time with him before he and Selmak left for the Tokra base."

"Oh." He nodded tersely and stood. "Well, let's make it count then, shall we?"

She dipped her chin curtly, joining him in smirking playfully.

 _Black loses two pawns to his opponent, leaving his Queen and King wide-open. I should be irked, but dang she didn't give me much of a choice._


	8. Grace

**GRACE**

* * *

" _Nobody ever won a chess game by resigning."_

 _\- Savielly Tartakower_

* * *

 _Both sides yield a pawn each. White controls the game, except if Black discontinues his cautious strategy._

The waves of dunes cascaded over the desert.

Jack fell to his knees, hating every bit of this wilderness. Beside him, granules of dirt shifted down the incline, but instead of inspecting the anomaly, he kept his eyes on the surrounding mountains. Clouds had gathered into a messy swell. Rain pattered like ice pinpricks against his face.

"It's sad ain't it?" Jonathan said.

"To hell with you." Jack growled. "And for the record. The desert, again? Really?"

"Oh, don't be so grumpy."

The wind picked up, and like a sheer blade, it cut through his clothes. Gooseflesh covered his body in a blanket. A shiver trembled in its wake.

"I know why you're here and like I informed Teal'c. I'm not in the mood. That's why sleeping is relaxing. Well, apparently it's not anymore." He glanced up at his duplicate. "And what's with your style of intervention? It's cliché. You should know I hate those."

"You done with the complaining?"

He looked down the slope. "I'll pretend I didn't hear your, 'oh so' subtle rebuke."

"You're the one who's sulking. And I'm merely a result of your subconscious mind. Perhaps it's trying to tell you something."

"Yeah, like what? 'Cause all I hear is gibberish."

"I get it." Jonathan crossed his arms over his chest. "I made the wrong assessment of the weather. It's not that you're sulking per se. More like, you're miserable because you are powerless and there's nothing to be done to soothe your feeling of insecurity."

Jack chuckled under his breath, glanced the man beside him move into a side stance. "What a shrink you turned out to be."

"This is your mind at work."

"Ya see the irony."

His mirror image plucked him from his kneeling position, grabbed his collar, lifted him into the air. Shocked, Jack scratched at his clenching hands, then felt the air leave his lungs as the man forced him down upon his back. He ricocheted off the ground. Tumbled down the face of the dune, all the while straining to breathe.

"This is what power feels like, Jack." Jonathan called out from the crest. "This is what you can achieve if you are master of your emotions."

At the bottom, he fell onto his stomach, heaving for much needed oxygen, but was too tired to fight for it and remained in the prone position. The replica appeared beside him, hauled him upright.

"They drain your willpower. They make you weak at the knees. Your mind helps them along. Your body can't take the strain anymore. You're useless, pathetic and insecure. There is no fight in you. Your admission of defeat is foolhardy. Any idiot can see you are a disgrace to your comrades."

Jack snarled in anguish, desperate to tear himself away from the man's grip. He laughed at the weak attempt and pushed him to the ground.

He landed in a dull thwack against the incline, grabbed at his shoulder as pain spiked from there over to his chest.

"She's the only person you can't find. She's the only one you can't rescue. The only woman who might be lost forever. And now you need to leave her behind. These are the sad truths in mere seconds."

The rain morphed into larger droplets, beat down like pebbles against his skin. He grimaced through the shower and watched the sneer slinking across the man's lips.

"You're hopeless, trying to remember what your last words were. You wish it was inspiring, something funny. Something to cling to while she's dying without you there to encourage her. You know how quickly she can surrender to the dwindling circumstances. How susceptible she is to depression when the odds are stacked up against her. When she can't seem to see the light."

"Shut up!"

"You've always kept her on track; always been there for her. And now? Who are you to her if you can't return the favor? Can't lend a helping hand like she did for you when you were lost so many times before. It's been three days, leaning over to the fourth. She's not back yet. You truly are pitiful, Jack. You really are."

"I said be quiet!"

With the outburst, hail peppered the terrain. Jack cowered as their hard shells struck his back, arms and legs, and elicited burning bruises all over.

Jonathan snorted at the display, positioned his hands on his hips. "I thought you could fool your heart into thinking all was well. Seems it was only hot air." He bent forward, gave him a taunting sneer. "She deserves better than this weak man you call a stoic warrior. C'mon, look at yourself. You're getting a licking from a figment of your imagination. That's how far gone you are. Wow, goes to show ya – I'll always be the stronger one."

Jack pushed off, caught him just as laughter spilled from his lips. It ended abruptly as they sprawled on the wet sand, but in a blitz moment he was pinned down and kicking against his replica. Jonathan grabbed him by the collar and pushed his hold closer to his throat. The air got thin, his eyes wide as he realized the predicament.

A droll grin quirked the corners of the man's lips. "You can't even get this delusion right. Nor can you control your thoughts and fears. It's overwhelming you. Pushing you down to the very last iota. Why don't you give up the little strength you have and save yourself the trouble? You are worthless and there's nothing that can be done to rectify it."

"No." He croaked. Struggling in the hold, he lightened the load constricting his throat. "No! I promised myself I'd be there for her. Always!"

Jack wrestled left, then right and then shoved him away. On his feet, he placed enough distance between them, looked to the sky and breathed in deep. The hail dissipated, returned to a soft downpour. He set his eyes on Jonathan.

"I knew I never could pursue anything beyond what was personal. Unless I sacrificed my career. And there was no way I would ask her to resign hers. So I did the next best thing. I placed myself in harm's way so that she didn't have to. And now, I'm not there with her, by her side. I couldn't be the person she wanted me to be. I couldn't protect her, or the crew on that ship."

His replica relaxed and smirked triumphantly. "But you are with her, Jack."

He scowled confused, felt the raging frustration teeming in his chest. The man was pushing him. Insulting him. Degrading him. Now he was mocking him.

"Every single one of SG1 and the Prometheus crew. Together you are with her, by her side cheering her on. But you don't see this. You don't believe it, because you're blinded by doubt. By insecurity." He threw his hands up. "It's been seven years, Jack." Next, he pointed at him. "You don't think she's able enough to survive without you? She is already a competent leader. You've taught her everything you know. She's a survivor, Jack, just like you are."

Jonathan lowered his hands to his side, scrunched them into rounded fists before they relaxed.

"Then why the arrogant bickering? Why not save me this bullshit and get to the point?"

"If I had, you wouldn't have confessed to your misgivings. You'd be wrestling ghosts of your past. But this is the present Jack; where you are no longer a priority. Times are changing. When she survives this, she would've done so without your help."

The sound of lightning erupted behind him. Another quick in its track. He turned in its direction and gawked at the desert valley in astonishment.

Electrical currents in different colors, shapes and sizes spun above what appeared to be a volcanic knoll. Hot molten lava poured from its center while the whirlwind of lightning stretched out for the dark sky. It was angry. Like a snake, its currents licked at the low thick clouds.

"Ostensibly, you disagree with my statements. Rather fervently wouldn't you say Jack?" He took a deep breath, as if lugging a heavy burden on his shoulders, then exhaled. "Just face it, Colonel O'Neill. She's moved on and left you behind. The reason. She's outgrown you."

He spun around, raked a hand over his countenance in annoyance and triggered another strong rainstorm. The man worked on his nerves, merely due to one defining factor. He had been right about everything.

The electrical storm intensified. The rain's direction changed from diagonal to straight down. Sand exploded as it struck its coarse surface.

Besides being powerless and irritated, he knew Carter had the brains and independence to survive on her own. And whatever she and those on the Prometheus did, would ultimately be their saving grace. In other words then, he'd done all that he possibly could and still it wasn't enough.

"It's not good enough!"

The lightning cracked like a cannon.

"I'm not good enough!"

Another cracking sound burst through the fervent atmosphere.

"I can't save them without her!"

"Sounds dependent, Jack." His duplicate shrugged flippantly. "You're not dependent. You're a lone wolf bent on helping others. It's who you are. This is the confession of a confused man. A man who can't discern reality from fiction. You're lost because she is lost."

Knocking pierced through the dream. He sat upright. "For crying out loud." His body shook in the aftermath.

If there was a recurring nightmare he loathed, this one hit the top of the list, expressly since his fears had played out in such a vivid fashion. Knocking resounded once more, followed by Teal'c's deep baritone voice.

"O'Neill."

"If it's bad news, I don't wanna hear it."

He positioned his legs over the side of the bed, rubbed at his weary eyes. Groaned.

"We have word from the Prometheus."

Jack breathed a hefty sigh of relief. "Well, it's about dang time."


	9. Fallout

**FALLOUT**

* * *

 _Every move has a purpose._

* * *

"Funny seeing you here, Colonel." Sam announced as she entered Daniel's office.

Jack's gaze jerked up from the computer screen. He stared at her impassively. "We work at the same Base, Carter. We were bound to cross paths somewhere."

She nodded, quirked a lopsided smile. "I see you're chirpy as ever, Sir."

"Oh, you know." He sat upright, stretched as he leaned back in the chair. "Part of the O'Neill charm."

Narrowing her eyes, she came about and peered at the screen. Jack smirked.

"Whatcha doing, Sir?"

"Thinking about what happened on your mission."

She placed a hand on the table and leaned forward to read the subject of his search. "And it's something to do with the wilderness of mirrors?" She returned to her normal position and inserted her hands inside her pockets, raised an eyebrow at him. "Never heard of it."

"That makes two of us."

"Sir, you're looking at it." He followed her open palm as she gestured to the computer. "Then you must've heard it somewhere."

Smirking irreverently, he crossed his arms over his chest. They shared a deadpan stare, Jack not yielding, whilst she attempted to connect the dots, but then walked away.

"Okay, fair enough. It's your business, Colonel."

"Not at the least bit curious, Major?"

His teasing tone tempted her to stop.

Across from him, she leaned over the screen to see the search results before gazing at him. "I don't want to intrude upon your personal time. And I've got plenty of stuff to do."

"Stuff? What kind of stuff? Normally you have a long-winded explanation to explain the thingumabob you're tinkering with. Or is it . . ." He wriggled his brow playfully. " _Personal_?"

She walked for the door, smiling waywardly. "Guess you'll never know."

"Playing hard to get, Carter." He called out after her, knowing he'd fallen for the bait.

As she peered around the doorframe, a gleeful grin slinked along her lips. "You started it, Sir. Merely following in your footsteps."

He thought briefly. "It's first coined in a poem by T. S. Eliot. _Gerontion._ "

The name caught her attention, in addition to his quick surrender. She stood in the threshold, waiting for him to elaborate. He huffed a sigh, wondering if sharing this with her seemed like such a good idea. If she hadn't appeared, this whole researching business would've been innocent. And. A secret. Regardless, nothing prevented him from using her brain to his advantage, whilst careful not to draw any attention to why he researched it.

He leaned forward, propped an elbow on the table and placed his chin upon his palm. "In a wilderness of mirrors what will the spider do? Suspend its operations, will the weevil delay?" He grunted his frustration. "Weevil – it's a beetle, this I know. But dammit – poetry? Makes less sense."

Sam narrowed her eyes dubiously. "Why do I have this notion you know the classification already? And what you're doing now; is toying with me."

"Nah. _Me_?" The mischievous sneer extended to his eyes. "I wouldn't dare."

"Colonel." She back peddled, thinking her retreat would spur him on and continued until she wandered from view.

"And if I did?"

Her honey blonde hair peeked first before he saw her glittering eyes. The playfulness, he knew it was all innocent, but he sure enjoyed her demeanor as of late. However, he also knew he wasn't the driving force behind the exuberant behavior, and frankly, he didn't want to question the why.

"I'm waiting, Sir."

Jack caved, tapped the table twice in procession. "All right. Show yourself, grab a seat."

Successful, the Major sped walked to a nearby chair and dragged it to his side of the table. "Where's Daniel by the way?" She asked as she sat down.

"Taking a break."

"And he left you in charge, Sir? Very brave of him."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear your sarcasm, Major." He scolded teasingly.

She scooted closer to the screen, then glanced over her shoulder up at him. "Okie dokie. What did you find?"

"A Mr Angleton from the CIA also coined the term. He was a brilliant but erratic man and a genius with the whole spying business."

"What did the term entail in his line of work?"

"It was his line of work."

"Oh. Says here there's a book by the name; first published in 1980."

"Yeah." He read a recently opened article. "It comprises the myriad stratagems, deceptions and all the other devices of disinformation that the Soviet Union and its coordinated intelligence services used to confuse and split the West, producing an ever-fluid landscape where fact and illusion merge."

Sam marked the recognition in his eyes. As if, the last part of the paragraph struck home for him. His gaze became distant, and she scowled at the action.

"Sir?"

"Yes." He accessed another article and indicated for her to read.

"Angleton ventured so far into that wilderness that he never fully emerged from the hall of mirrors, and some of the cases that drove him to the edge of his sanity and his position were mostly regarding how deeply the KGB had penetrated U.S. Intelligence." She cleared her throat. "Scary stuff."

"Oh, it's just the icing on the cake, Carter." The next article popped up and he swallowed hard, disliking where this one led. "He became a living pathology of spydom, a prisoner of his own 'wilderness of mirrors', a favorite term of the spy leader used to describe a landscape populated by double agents and planted information. It's a place where nothing is real, and all is just a reflection of some distant motive, nation, and-or ideology. Corruption is the base state. Eventually, for Angleton, this notion unfolded into a complete inability to differentiate between the reality and the mirrors."

"Sort of what happened today." She offered, leaned back and relaxed in the chair. "However, the Goa'uld saw the reality of the situation and decided to sacrifice itself for the sake of the mission. And in the process, saved Jonas' planet from destruction."

Jack lingered in an awfully quiet state, this she had quickly discerned during the reading. Something about the description had influenced his voice and demeanor. The bantering mood had turned somber, to a brooding one more like it. Almost as if, he knew exactly what it felt like to be trapped inside his own wilderness of mirrors. But what was his wilderness? And what did he struggle to set apart?

"It says here: Operation CHAOS was the natural conclusion to life in such a wilderness, where the only rational way of finding your way out is by starting with what's closest to you." Her eyes lingered on the thinking lines running along his forehead. "Well, I'm glad I'm not a spy."

"What?" The reply had echoed soft and far off.

Sam stood. Jack's puzzled gaze followed her as she dragged the chair to the other side of the table. "You've taken this to heart, Colonel."

His folded arms dug deep into his ribcage while he gazed at the metal surface before him. "Just reminded me of my Special Ops days, is all."

Sam sat down. "I bet you faced a lot of scenarios where it was difficult to distinguish reality from deception."

"Sort of, except I had a team. We rationalized our actions and made decisions together as a unit. But there were others who'd taken the deception to heart and had caused unwarranted deaths. Some died because they were too arrogant, paranoid or too obsessed with fulfilling the mission."

"Like target fixation."

He nodded sadly. "Common with fighter pilots."

"They become so obsessed with the target they fly straight into it."

"Uh-huh. Then you ask yourself the question. Where did it all go wrong? You fly dozens of missions together and then one day, your friend's gone 'cause he'd become one with the target. And your head's still on straight. It's not so different from the information stated in these articles. Many soldiers struggle to separate reality from fiction."

"Yes, but the article had described it as a landscape populated by double agents and planted information. It's a place where nothing is real, and all is just a reflection of some distant motive, nation, and-or ideology." She gestured vaguely. "It's just that – he'd set up various reflections with slight variations. Some were planted information – lies in other words, and then some were truths. Leaving it up to the spy to distinguish between who he trusted as a confidant, and what information he believed would aide his country."

"You're over-complicating it, Carter. Simplify instead." He leaned forward, crossed his arms on the table. "Double agent – means one guy or gal spying for both sides. Planted information – points to false information that was ultimately a reflection of what could be, and not what it was in the moment. In my opinion, you don't trust a spy working both sides. They have the tendency to betray you quicker than one can pitch a ball, especially when money's involved."

"Yes, I agree. Instead, you use him to feed your enemy misinformation."

He shoved a hand in her direction. "Thus _nothing is real_." He lowered it and scowled. "Who kept track of the duplicity then? And the swopping of sides?"

"I believe it's where the reflection comes in. The planted information, aka mirrors, blurred the truth and lie; they could no longer distinguish what's real. Like in our first year, we believed Daniel had died in a fire. It turned out our memories were altered to believe a lie that covered the truth. Those on the outside helped us to identify that lie."

"Yeah, and eventually as a team we broke through the ruse. So the ones not stuck in the deception can help the ones who are stuck. The thing is – it depends how far gone they are."

"It's a possibility, but there's another answer which is mentioned in the article, Colonel. The only rational way of finding your way out is by starting with what's closest to you."

Jack nodded. "Okay, hypothetically speaking."

He gritted his teeth, knowing he treaded dangerous waters. Even so, if he wanted to solve the mystery in his dream, she was the perfect one to unravel the enigma. Mostly because she had been the main subject.

"If you were caught up in something like this. What would be the closest to you?"

He saw her hesitation and discerned the tight spot he had placed her in. Those dangerous waters stormed wildly. Both sensed it and knew the question had merit both in their line of work and within the world's militaries.

"It's a tough question." Sam replied, avoiding his gaze.

"But it's a reasonable one."

She agreed with this statement, though she knew what trapped in one's mind felt like. Her landscape had been the Prometheus. The hallucinations the mirrors. With the additional help of Jack's apparition, she'd found her way out of the mess. She knew what was closest to her, but both could not discuss their personal importance. Which made the reply even harder, and frankly, he had no right to tempt the proverbial beast. She redirected the line of subject.

"What was the Goa'uld's?"

Jack stared. "Not following."

"What was close to her to have sacrificed who and what made her?"

"Her mission was your mission. However, yours involved saving a planet. Hers required her to locate, identify and inform her master of her findings."

"Findings she never sent."

"It's then her host who changed her mind. We've seen it happen before."

"Yes, that and . . ." Sam stopped, bit her bottom lip in unease. "It's her affection for Jonas that made it clear."

He discerned her uncomfortable demeanor and relaxed in his chair. "Ha, I . . . see."

"Why the subject?"

With his hands on his head, he peeked at the screen. "Curiosity, Carter. Just interested in understanding a few things."

"About the mission?" She asked dubiously, keeping the conversation where it needed to be.

"Yeah, about the mission."

"I thought it was pretty clear cut."

"Sometimes it's good to know why some people go to such extreme lengths to gather intelligence for their country."

"The inner workings of a spy?"

"Something like that."

"But didn't you operate . . ."

"I did. And I knew why I did it and I understood my mission objective. I could discern right from wrong. I understood how the enemy operated. But there were others whose minds lost track. Who gave in to doubt and allowed their fear to drive them instead. That's when fiction and reality blend. It's then when you cling to what's important."

They stared at one another for a curt moment. Sam grew more and more uneasy and squirmed in her chair. His mind drifted in a daze.

 _And occasionally – what's important is not what you hoped it would be. It turns out the very thing that keeps you sane and going is something or someone you can't have. All due to rules and regulations that are there for a reason. So that's why I'm stuck in a desert of mirrors, Samantha Carter. And that's why I'm researching it – to find a way out of this maze._

Daniel sauntered into his office absentmindedly. Both froze and gazed to him. "Hey guys." He called out as he inspected their blank expressions. "Did I miss something?"

"Nah, nothing important." Jack replied as he stood, dipped his chin at Carter. "The Major and I just finished a . . . _thought-provoking_ discussion." He walked by her, gave a soft smile, then cuffed Daniel's shoulder. "She's all yours buddy."

 _Perhaps if you let go of what's by your side – the mirrors will shatter._

 _That's easier said than done._


	10. Chimera

**CHIMERA**

* * *

 _Prioritizing . . ._

" _Tactics is knowing what to do when there is something to do; strategy is knowing what to do where there is nothing to do."_

\- _Savielly Tartakower_

* * *

Jack watched how she gracefully walked across the board and captured his Queen. Something broke in his heart. A sharp breath caught in his throat.

 _Checkmate._

Sam's face bore an expression he'd hardly witnessed. The same one he had seared to memory when she'd worn that blue dress seven years ago. She was very cheerful, happy, and the last time he'd checked. It wasn't his doing. She wasn't humming because of him, but because she'd met another man.

He swallowed, looked to his feet and winced sadly. This day would come. He knew it would, but he didn't have to be fond of it. He peered up at her and sauntered over to where she stood on the black corner. He halted on the empty white block, locked eyes with her stunning blue ones. He reached a hand for her cheek and let it hover inches away. She scowled, questioning the attempt with her eyes.

"Why Sam?"

"I can't wait any longer, Jack."

The truth stung, badly. His hovering hand reacted as if a recoiling viper and fell down to his side.

"True." His chin drooped. "The battle's lasted longer than expected. I can't force you to wait, and you deserve to be loved. All I want is for you to be happy." He raised his chin to look at her. A beat followed while he searched her countenance. "Are you happy?"

Tears glistened in her eyes as she nodded. "Yes."

He nodded reluctantly. "Good. That's-" He cleared his throat, looking anywhere but at her. "I hope he treats you well. You deserve nothing but the best, Sam."

"Carter." She corrected.

Jack flinched.

"I am no longer your Sam."

His gaze snapped up, scowled at the sudden change in her tone. "You never were _my_ Sam. Why do you think I've kept my distance?"

"No, you haven't. Instead, you drew closer; confused me. Gave me false hope."

"I did no such thing." He refuted annoyed. "I did what any man would. I was considerate."

"If you were, then you should've respected the barriers we had established, Colonel."

"Okay, this is crazy." He drew attention to the chessboard. "This, all of this. It's just my imagination going wild."

"No, this is your way of controlling the circumstances. But if you look closely, you'll see how far along you really are. You have no hopes of winning a game you are allegedly a master of – both in reality and in your mind."

Backing away, he chuckled mockingly. "So what if I allowed you to dictate my moves? So what if I allowed you to take the lead?" He stalked for the equator of the chessboard and hissed in bitterness. "Do you see this, _Carter_? I have more than enough pieces on the board to win you."

The last three words repeated in his thoughts, recognizing the double meaning almost immediately. Sam snorted, her lips curling into her famous sassy smile.

Ignoring her, he gestured to the block beside his King's position. "Castle defends Black King and forces opponent's Queen back to White's King."

With an amused smile, Sam walked by him, returning to where she was safe and sound; out of his reach.

"It merely directs me away from you." She clarified smugly.

"It's how it's meant to be!" He called out. "It's how it's supposed to be." He gestured between them. "This! It will never happen. Now watch how my remaining knight captures your bishop."

"You can't react in reality, but you'll do so here?" She swiped her hand over the pieces. "On an imaginative chessboard where you alone can dictate the pieces to your heart's content? This is how you deal with heartache, Jack?"

"It's Colonel to you!" He thundered back at her, irked with the mocking in her voice.

"Then watch as my remaining bishop captures your pawn." On her side of the board, the mentioned pieces blended with one another. "Oops! There goes your opportunity at another Queen."

He captured one of her pawns. "And there goes your opportunity."

"I still have four left to claim another Queen." Sam chided.

"One is more than enough, thank you!" He snapped back.

Laughter resonated over the playing field. "Says the one who holds none."

The reply had a fierce bite. It tore through his soul, because it was the truth, both here and in reality. Driven to strike back, he rushed for his rightful position on the board, faced her and motioned profusely.

"I'm coming for ya, Carter. I'm so coming for you!"

"Dream bigger, Colonel." Her lips curved into a wicked sneer. "You've always destined yourself to lose. You have no choice. If you win, you would've won me."

Jack's hand slowly returned to his side. What was he doing? He'd chosen to prolong the distance between them. Now he chased her? For what reason? Jealousy. The realization she belonged to someone else. He no longer made her happy. Instead, another man made her smile and laugh, held her and comforted her. Something he longed to do, but never could.

She taunted. "Oh my, understanding has struck for the umpteenth time, Sir?"

"You're right." He grabbed at his head with both hands, but a light bulb moment exploded in his mind. "No! No, wait." His hands extended to the void above. He laughed in relief. "No, this match was never to lose you, Carter."

Sam shook her head, savoring his words comically, and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

His hands lowered to his hips. A wince furrowed his brow. "I was never meant to be beaten."

"Sounds better, Colonel."

Jack noticed she tried to distract him and hummed in annoyance. "Hm. The goal was to win, not lose."

Sam's courageous demeanor changed. "What are you doing?"

She sounded worried while her pleased expression turned into a grave one. He pointed it out with a swift hand gesture.

"Ha, I'm prioritizing, Carter. I'm setting this straight. You should be losing. I should gain ground. If I do, it means my strategy is working."

The frown lines on her countenance deepened. "What?"

Amused, he explained. "It's about keeping myself in check. Not surrendering to my feelings for you."

"That's it?"

"Yes, I have to keep going in the opposite direction, Carter. You should carry on with yours. It's inevitable – it's how it's meant to be."

"You've decided then?" She stated knowingly and dejected.

He gave her a rueful smile. "Yeah, yeah I have. I'm sorry Carter, but this is for the best." He directed her gaze towards the lab as it interchanged with their chessboard scene. "Have a look."

Jack pursed his lips, watched as she closed the equipment case, then asked. "How's Pete?"

The Major gazed at him in disbelief, not knowing how to reply. Moments later, she perked up and offered a smile. "You know how it is."

He stared at her, waiting for her to finish the thought.

"Usually you don't let it bother you, because you know they wouldn't cope with the truth anyway."

Carter looked down at the case laying on the table.

He agreed with a slight nod. "Usually."

She returned her gaze to him, locked eyes with his dark ones, quirked an eyebrow. "I think he could have."

 _You dropped the anchor Jack, with the line in tow; you let her slip through your fingers. You drowned her affection for you._


	11. Death Knell

**DEATH KNELL**

* * *

 _Evaluate your position honestly. If it is bad, do something about it. If it is good, make it even better._

* * *

" _Where is she?" Jack asked of Jacob._

" _I don't know." His breathing sounded unsteady and he noted the uncertainty and heartache in the older man's eyes. "I don't even know if she is still alive."_

Higher and higher, the unease burned in his chest. He sensed its overwhelming force. How it overpowered his motive. He was desperate. Every bone in his body felt the need for acceleration. How his heart hammered against his chest. How his ears felt like popping. Desperation had driven its claws into his emotions, going deeper than his soul. The panic was surreal, eating away at every fiber of his being.

Her safety went beyond his goal as commanding officer. Went beyond borders and reached straight for the bond they shared as friends and comrades. Her life superseded his. She had to live. She had to survive. Nothing else mattered except for this revelation which fed his driving force, his motive and his reason for pushing the boundaries. Not only because she'd been out there alone. But because what chased her, a unit of strong, brave men and women failed to subdue. She was lost, and he needed to find her.

He and Teal'c stood from their kneeling positions. Both looked at the different footprints in the sand.

"Do you believe this prototype weapon will be effective against it?" The Jaffa asked.

Jack inspected the weapon in his hand, then looked to Teal'c and hesitated. "We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it." He walked away, following the direction of the footprints.

Like a tidal wave, the fear crushed into his soul. Panic echoed in its wake once more. The danger lurked before them, not behind them. It spurred him on, pushing him to the brink of his psyche. He had only one thing in mind. Teal'c had one thing in mind. Together they had one goal in mind. There was no wavering. Even if his last resort were submitting to what he felt deep within, he would succeed in this rescue mission like he'd done so many times before.

Samantha Carter would see them rush to her rescue. She would see they cared for her. She would hold on and use her training to her advantage. Anubis' soldier would not defeat her. Her drive, her strength of heart was stronger than the killing drone. She would see the sunrise tomorrow. He would make sure. He would stand next to her and experience the new day it birthed in its rays.

While on the other hand, he fought against the raging doubt of _what if_.

"Colonel O'Neill."

Jack pressed down on the radio's talk button. "General."

"Status report."

"We found tracks, Sir. It could be Carter's."

"In what direction?"

"East. Up into the hills."

"The higher ground is a more defensible position." Teal'c added.

"Understood. I'll have the UAV fly a search pattern in that area. Hammond out."

What if they chased a dead woman? What would he say to her father? He wasn't urgent enough. He'd let them down, let himself down. Even with support, he wasn't good enough. Strong enough, fast enough. He was pathetic and incompetent.

The result flitted in his mind and trembled in his muscles.

What would they truly find at the end of this pursuit?

She had the weapon's power pack in hand to kill the super soldier. But in his hand nestled the prototype – there was no guarantee it would work in her favor or in his favor. They needed one another, but still it came down to one death defining issue.

His wishes were all guarantees and not something concrete he could pin his hope on. All he knew. He couldn't, wouldn't surrender. They had to keep going no matter what awaited them at the end. He – they would have to deal with it one step at a time. Keep track and keep going forward while he anchored his hope in the trust the team established years before. She not only trusted those tracking her, but she trusted herself. Like he had to. This was important. It was vital, imperative and significant. All of them were resourceful. Seven years of Gate travel had forged skills they never knew they had. This was only part of the process. She would survive – he was certain.

"O'Neill."

"Go ahead."

"The UAV has been shot down in your area. It's four clicks away on a heading of three, two, zero degrees from your present location."

"We're on it."

Hope, they'd received hope. And that glimmer of hope continued until a noise of a loud explosion lured them in her direction. They sped up, ran as if her life depended upon it, while they closed the gap between them.

He rushed up to her position behind a stack of rocks, ducked just in time as the drone fired upon their location. With the newly made prototype, he returned fire, but the drone kept walking and pinned them down.

Leaning towards her, he requested. "Carter, I need a-"

She held out the new power chip to him.

"Thanks."

Jack replaced it as quick as he could and took another crack at shooting at the drone soldier. Once, twice, then it collapsed to the ground. Both looked from their positions, wanting to know if the weapon had truly worked. Satisfied with the outcome, he stood and looked down at where she huddled in safety whilst gazing at the fallen warrior.

Teal'c came running from behind and he tossed him the weapon as he ran on by. "Cover him."

"Is it?" She asked tiresomely, not bothered in finishing the question as she looked up at her superior.

"Yeah, he's dead." Jack assured.

Her gaze faltered as she briefly nodded. He regarded her for a few seconds, grateful she'd held out for as long she had. He looked at their Jaffa friend standing over the drone.

"Right Teal'c, he's dead?"

With his boot, he tapped the drone's shoulder a few times, then nodded his accord.

"Yeah, he's dead." Jack said in her direction.

Carter nodded her approval, turned away from the mess, and leaned against the boulder.

"You wanna get up?" He questioned gently.

She shook her head. "I just need to rest for a minute."

Without further thought, he sat down beside her and noted her far off expression. It was hard to envision what she truly felt or what she had underwent during her time of flight. Nor did he want to think of why she'd survived for this long. Though, he admired her fighting strength and persistent endurance. And despite her injuries and her exhaustion, despite his fear and concern, they both made it in the nick of time. He admired her resolve even more.

Thinking how to express this, he did what came naturally to him. "C'mere." His arm curled around her and she melted into his side, resting her head upon his shoulder.

In comfortable silence, they sat huddled together. He offered safety, relief and stillness – just what she needed to process the surge of events. No one needed to suffer through what she had, and this simple and yet meaningful gesture showed her he was a pillar. He understood. She deserved security and reassurance, and without deliberation, she'd given him such a rare opportunity. He'd taken it wholeheartedly and boldly. Felt the concern drain from his emotions. Sensed the calm replace it in the blink of an eye. She was safe. He had saved her. And yet, his heart's predicament remained the same. Nothing he had done had improved the circumstances. Instead, it stayed in a deadlock.


	12. Heroes

**HEROES**

* * *

 _A player sacrifices material either for a win or to defend the position._

* * *

It was chaos, pure chaos. The battlefield shook with multiple air raids. Staff blast fire zipped by. Rocket launchers sent enemy forces to flight. Soldiers screamed over the noise. Weapon's fire rattled in rejoinder. Explosions erupted like miniature volcanoes. Radios boomed with frantic voices.

" _Something tells me they're throwing this party in your honor, Jack."_

How fortunate to have received the brunt of the blast. His wound felt a little tender; his body ached in the aftermath. However.

Janet was dead.

"I'm really glad you're okay." Carter said.

It wasn't. They'd lost a good friend. Sam lost a dear friend. Cassie lost a mother. The SGC and SG1 were all that she had left.

And still, he lived.

Jack refocused on the present and noticed the tears in the Major's eyes. How could he not permit her gratitude to influence him? He yearned to reach out, curl his arms around her and shield her from the heartache. He understood, lived and breathed loss. It was as much a part of him as she was. How could he deny her his sympathy and care? It would be unnatural for him to keep his distance and not do anything to offer support.

 _If you could reach out and touch the sun, would you disappear in the twinkling of an eye or would you delight in its warmth? Or would you accept your fate and allow its heat to destroy the little life you have left? Who are you without its rays? If not but a sparkle in its eyes._

 _Who are you to her, Jack? Everything you do has a purpose, an intent. You are master of your actions. The helmsman who commands the seas. Rather the navigator, than the captain of a sinking ship._

 _Give her what only you can, Jack. Give her what she wants._

Like a magnet, he succumbed to the pull, stepped up to her, allowing what he felt deep inside to show on his face. It was intoxicating. Like a consuming fire, his heart burnt with compassion, shone in his eyes. Inches away, their gazes locked with one another.

Carter had thrown the rulebook out the window. His followed quickly in its track.

She simply didn't care about her vulnerability. She was showing him what her heart truly felt like, how it ached to be heard. In response, he allowed his disciplined facade to fall away and relented, displaying how vulnerable he was. How much he cared for her. How much he desired to support her, to comfort her.

"C'mere."

He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her as if she would fade away forever. She accepted the embrace and held on tightly, drinking in deep his consideration and love. It was all they ever wanted from each other. To be open, truthful, alive.

 _Black captures Queen. Checkmate._

He ignored the echoing voice in his thoughts, titled his head sideways and breathed in deep. It was a mixture of emotions. A fiery and yet tangible atmosphere. The world could be conquered on such feelings of invincibility, of euphoria, but then they both remembered who they were and opened the dreaded divide between them.

It had been a long embrace, but now she stood on the other side of the abyss, watching him with shimmering eyes. He stepped back and inspected her with regret in his. He should never have let her go. Instead, he should've imitated the time he'd refused to leave her side. The time they both had confessed their feelings for one another. Nevertheless, they would stay sealed up for eternity in the space of a box. They'd agreed to it. Why would he or Sam reopen it now?

 _Black relinquishes his castle to White's King._

She had a boyfriend. Regulations prohibited him from embracing his subordinate.

What was he thinking? He wasn't. Or was he? She sought the comfort of a friend. To share in the same sorrow for someone they'd cared for in their unique ways. This alone brought them together. Plus, when it came to emotions, he struggled to utter words of comfort. He was a man of action. Stoic yes. Irreverent yes. Outspoken he was, but a private life he kept and respected passionately. And once he fell, he fell hard – his wife and son were proof enough.

But this scenario was different. Like the hidden landscapes of the world, she stood beyond reach. Another man had found her instead. She'd shown this man the map to their sacred bond. Allowed him to cross the vast expanse between them and allowed him to sever the connection chaining them together. Now only their trust as soldiers remained. He could no longer see her heart; see _her_ for that matter. If he remembered correctly, he did just remove her from the game, what was his endgame?

Only Pete remained – her King. Which made him, Jack, blind to her actions. Blind to her happiness.

Was it not what he desired? Then why did he feel so empty?

" _You're lost because she is lost."_

 _You are broken because she is broken. You feel what she feels._

 _Whether or not you like it, you can't unchain yourself from her. Neither can you fool yourself into seeing everything's okay, Jack. It's not okay. She's hurting and you're hurting because you can't step over the line. All she has, she has poured into the heart of another man._

 _Go now. Before you change your mind and ruin what's left of your friendship and careers. Be strong and leave. Be the hero and walk away. Be the man who walked away. Walk and never look back._

He had walked away, with the sound of the trumpeter still fresh in his memory. He'd relinquished the things troubling him, focused on keeping the Doctor's memory alive. He saw Janet in every soldier she saved. Every man and woman who served at the SGC. In Cassie. In his friends whom she had shared laughter, smiles, and tears with over the years. He saw her in his life, how many times she had patched him up and dealt with his backbiting, sent him back to his team mended.

Wishing it was so effortless he could mend the gaps in his soul, but reckless behavior was worthy of his fractures and jagged cracks. It deserved loneliness, deserved an empty room.

Enticed by beauty and intelligence. Denied by war and duty.

These were the consequences of a devoted warrior. He had to live with it. And live with it he would, if only to walk into the SGC every single day, and see Carter smile up at him and thank him for being. _Him_. Him he could do and nothing less. Nothing – he had plenty of that.


	13. Lost City

**LOST CITY**

* * *

 _"You may learn much more from a game you lose than from a game you win."_

 _\- José Raúl Capablanca_

* * *

The door to his residence swung wide open and knocked against the wall. It was empty and for once, it bothered him. Even so, he walked directly for the fridge, dug out two beers and ambled for his porch. Breathed in the fresh misty air and plopped down on a chair.

On the table before him situated the chessboard. He wondered now, after the Ancient download, if the game would be as exhilarating as the one in his mind.

In fact, if he renewed this gloomy match and played again, things would've turned out much differently.

He shifted the pieces with the bottle, eliminating those no longer in play, and rearranged the rest according to how the current imaginary one appeared.

They sported a castle each, a bishop each and a King each. Black and White had lost all their pawns, and both Queens were eliminated from the game. However, Black had his opponent right where he wanted her – backed up into a corner. Thus, he'd accomplished what he had set out to do.

Relaxing with his feet on the table's surface, he gazed at the green surroundings, took a long deep swig and closed his eyes as its cold contents spilled down his throat.

Did he always fit into this multifaceted chess set?

They were each a ruler of a realm moved about by what they thought was prudent.

But what if they'd chosen different paths, would this scene look different? He lowered his eyes. Would she be sitting across from him, enjoying a day free from obligations? They would simply be two normal people enjoying each other's company. This scenery would be a new kind of breathtaking, and the game much more electrifying, but alas, it was not to be.

 _Everything comes at a price. Even sacrifice. In the end, you did the right thing for the right reason._

Over the years, he'd given her the space to grow. All he had accomplished was so that she could become the successful warrior he knew she would be. And for the duration, they were two shields, most stubborn and elusive. Dogged 'till the end.

Heaving a hefty sigh, he swallowed against the knot in his throat.

So this was what getting his affairs in order looked like? He sought a finale as soon as possible, if only to get this unbearable wait out of the way, and get this lost city business over and done with. It would spare everyone the sorrow of watching him lose his mind forever. But he would leave, knowing his friends had the key to winning the war permanently.

He could live with those results. He had to. He was a lone rider; he understood the necessity of survival. Life and death was supposed to be clearer to him than to those weighed down by family obligations. He had considered the lives of those around him. He had strength in determination. Nothing held him back. What more could he give? What more could they take from him? One life for many. A life for a life. He would fight 'til the end. There was no reset button. No turning back now. He had to keep moving. They had to keep moving. Always.

 _Eventually all things in this life, it too must find a closure._

Jack stood, skimmed the chessboard one last time and walked away.

He hoped it was worth it. He sure hoped so for all their sakes that this was the right way to go. It simply had to work in his favor. Otherwise, it were all for naught.

Then why did an underlying fear still lurk in the recesses of his mind?

* * *

"Now this. This is ridiculous."

His mirror image snorted, buried his hands inside his pockets and inspected the empty camping stool next to him.

"Oh, be quiet you."

He glanced up, marked the amused smirk slinking across the man's face. His eyes returned to the pond.

"It's the dream of a dying man."

"So what if it is?" Jack shrugged. "It's much better than that hot forsaken desert you chose. This." The fishing line reeled over the water, creating ripples in its wake. "Now this is heaven."

"It sounds like you're giving up."

"No, it's enjoying what little time I have left. I couldn't go to the cabin. Well, then, the cabin came to me."

"In your dreams?"

Jack tugged at the rim of his hat, smirked drolly. "Exactly."

Jonathan dipped his chin, knowing it was indeed a noteworthy delusion, and turned away. From the deck, he noted the striking similarity the scenery had with someone who'd retired from the Air Force a long time ago.

"Dontcha think you're overreaching?" He peered down at him. "I mean it's like you've been living here for donkey's years."

"What?" Jack glanced over his shoulder at the cabin and its added commodities. "I think it's . . ."

"You."

"Dontcha mean us?" He jabbed in retort.

The replica canted his head, pursed his lips. "Hm. Touché."

"You're welcome."

"Still. Whatcha doing here Jack? I thought you were inspecting the sky."

"Too many memories." He cast the line over the water.

"So you decided this was better?" Jonathan walked around the empty stool and sat down.

Jack tugged on his sunglasses, narrowed his eyes. "Excuse me. That seat's taken."

"No kidding. We're the only ones here."

"Think again, _pal_."

Huffing a sigh, he shook his head, chuckled. "You're a sentimental old flyboy. You know that?"

"It's my dream. At least my subconscious can be a little less condescending."

He ignored the biting reply, changed the topic. "You're losing, Jack. On purpose. Why?"

"If you're me." He set the fishing pole down. "You should know why."

Both gazed out over the water, eyes distant as they brooded in a tedious silence.

"It's not how this works. And you know even delusions have a purpose." He let the information sink in, then spoke once more. "So far, you've seesawed from one debate to the other, and yet you find yourself back where you started. At a damning crossroad."

Jack gathered a deep breath, then released it gradually. A calm draped over him like a sheet though he knew it was a false feeling. Everything in this makeshift world was false, he might as well confess to the truth.

"If the wilderness of mirrors no longer exists, it means instead of holding on to what's closest, I released it. Therefore, whatever it was, has smashed to smithereens. I have chosen my fate. A third intervention is the last thing I need at a time like this."

"True. Seems you've got all your ducks in a row. Right as rain. Just peachy."

"Good." He gestured him away. "Skedaddle mate. Only so many hours to spend."

"What if-"

"Don't" Jack stopped him with a stern warning. "You're not gonna spoil this for me."

He continued anyway, stretched his legs and slid down into a relaxing position. "What if this is all for nothing? What if things backfire? You would've forfeited all and I mean everything."

Jack sat upright, batted him with his ball cap. "For crying out loud! Who knew I could be so annoying. Can't even enjoy my last days on earth without my mind interfering. Dammit. I'm not speaking Ancient, _yet_. Which makes this so dang-"

"Infuriating."

"You can stop that." He pointed at him, raised an eyebrow to reinforce the command.

Jonathan propped his hands in surrender. Satisfied, Jack relaxed in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Sulking does no one good."

"Thinking is the problem, buddy. With you here, just makes it worse."

"I am here, because your mind is swirling. You're lost at sea and you need help to figure it all out. Even after the heroic deed has been accomplished."

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious. You're a real chum. Who would I be without you?"

"No, I get it. You were the obvious pick – it's a no brainer. Thor had helped you before. Why not lend a hand this time? But you're afraid they're too busy with their fight against the Replicators to come to the rescue. You're back to square one."

He confirmed it with a simple nod. "Yeah."

"However, it's the duty of a commanding officer. Plus, you have experience. It's losing your sanity that's feeding the fear inside. Where you're no longer in possession of your faculties. No control, like a certain situation we're familiar with."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Oh, here we go." Then, pointed at him. "I'm not budging pal. It's as it should be."

Jonathan snapped his fingers.

They stood side-by-side on a shoreline stretching towards a majestic castle nestled atop the horizon.

Jack winced and thumbed over his shoulder. "You know, the other one's much cooler. Which is me saying. Take me back!"

Cuffing his shoulder, his replica walked forward. "Oh be a sport, sport."

"Funny." He shook his head as 'not' and sauntered after him. "And this is a metaphor for what?"

"You."

"Me?" He spun around, then back again, joining in with the man's determined stride. "Nope, don't get it."

Raising his arm, he indicated to the horizon. "That." The backdrop fast-forwarded until they stood before the castle and its towering walls. "Is you."

Jack canted his head back, gaped as he inspected its gargantuan size, then looked at him. "Yeah, okay, if you say so."

"Ain't it a beauty?" A wide smile curved along his lips, thrilled with its rustic creation and glittering pinnacles reaching for the blue sky.

"There's a point to this, _right_? 'Cause the setting at the cabin's straightforward. No fuss no muss."

"Don't be sucha gloomy Gus."

He gave him a surprised look before he raked his eyes over the extent of the man's posture, then locked eyes with him. "You're crazy and you like it. It's nuts how comfortable you are with it."

With hands propped in the air, Jonathan snickered and declared theatrically. "Layers of fortification within fortification, the door's hidden for no one to find. Except to the one already inside." He faced him in a startling fashion. "Open up Jack!"

He narrowed his eyes, scowled in wariness. "Open up? You're insane."

"Let them in, Jack." Jonathan fingered his chest. "Let them help you. Don't face this alone. You are not alone."

The sound of a horse galloping over cobblestone thundered from behind. He turned in its direction and found an empty landscape. Even his replica had disappeared, but not his voice.

"You better open up, Jack. Someone's at the front door."

* * *

Carter stared at him from across the room. "Sir?" She darted for him, stepped onto the platform. "Sir." She tilted his head towards her, felt along his jugular vein, then looked to Daniel and Teal'c. "His pulse is erratic." Anxious, she gazed back at him. "Don't you dare leave us now. We won."

A beat followed.

She grabbed his chin. "Colonel."

He locked eyes with her, tried to confess what was clear as day, but he was too far along to make sense. He'd done what was set out to do, they could do nothing more for him. Except leave him to die, but he knew she wouldn't allow him to go so easily. She still needed him; he sensed it in her heart, in her feelings.

Sam stood so close to him, he saw the emotions brim in her eyes and on her face. All he could manage was move his lips, but what he wanted to say remained silent.

" _Please_. Jack."

Her plead was forthright, palpable, true. Her need was certain, how could he deny her?

 _Do it, do it for her, Jack. Give her hope. Be her hope._

Like the speed of light, Ancient words spiraled in his thoughts. A way presented itself – he would remain in stasis until they found the means to revive him.

Responding in Latin, he yielded and heeded to her request. The rest of his awareness faded to black, but he was hopeful they would solve the mystery. He would see her in no time, of that he was certain.

 _A worthy opponent my Sam you were. Fair play, even if it is a STALEMATE. I'll miss you._

* * *

 _ **FINIS**_

* * *

Thank you to everyone who read the story, I appreciate the following and reviews. It was an idea loosely based upon the characters shared interests. Chess appeared on both sides and season seven seemed to fit the idea, particularly how Jack and Sam acted towards one another. I thought it would be cool to incorporate the game with said conducts.

I hope you enjoyed it. Have an awesome day, week and year, which ends in less than two months. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! In advance.

Cheers, innovare

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

I tried my best to add references for the information used in my story, but the document refused to upload the text of the different websites.

A crude summary will have to do. 😊

\- The creed used were parts from the special forces creed. The warrior ethos is from the marine corps website.

\- Chess references came from three sources yielded by the search 'life's a chess game'.

\- The poem by T.S. Eliot came from the poem foundation website.

\- The wilderness of mirrors information came directly from three websites that discussed the topic. There's a book by the name as mentioned in the story.


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